


Stuck

by Sheetmusicjunkie



Series: Jeff and Abed - Queer and Healthy [1]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Jeff Winger, Holding Hands, Jeff is anxious, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25231132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheetmusicjunkie/pseuds/Sheetmusicjunkie
Summary: Jeff had been dealing with a new symptom of his anxiety now that he wasn't drinking all his feelings away. Abed is unsurprisingly the person who understands and helps.
Relationships: Abed Nadir/Jeff Winger
Series: Jeff and Abed - Queer and Healthy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154984
Comments: 20
Kudos: 128





	1. Take my hand

**Author's Note:**

> I'm using my own panic attacks as a model for this, so all I know is my personal experience. When I get overwhelmed sometimes I just shut down and can't move/speak for a while. I figure if anyone would understand those kinds of feelings, it would be Abed.

Jeff was having one of those days where he felt like he was going to collapse in on himself any minute. It was like this sometimes, where he would wake up and everything he had to do would be in the front of his mind, where he would get out of bed and his lungs hurt. Today was one of those days. 

It was fine, Jeff just needed to make it through the end of the day. He would go to study group, but he was definitely going to skip his last class and go home early. He desperately wanted to be in bed napping. He shuffled across campus from class, the walk was nice, focusing on the routine of going from class to the study room was grounding. Jeff still did his best to avoid other people on the way there though. 

He hated these days, he was Jeff Winger, lawyer and untouchable sex god – everyone wanted him, and he knew it. He did everything he could to be that person and most of the time when his hair and outfit hit just right, he succeeded. But other times, times like today, no amount of tasteful hair gel or perfectly wrinkled shirt could get him to be that version of Jeff. Here he was as the other Jeff and everything felt stupid, his hair felt stupid, there was a section that was sticking out at an angle he didn’t like, and the gel pulled at his hair. His clothes felt stupid, his jeans were tight to his legs and he hated the feeling of denim against his skin. Jeff wanted to sprint back to his car and cry, but no, he had obligations. 

To a group of dumb idiots he cared about for some reason. 

The familiarity of the study room and the chatter of the others was comforting and before Jeff knew it they had already started the session. Although study “sessions” with this group was a term he used lightly. 

Annie was switching between updating her planner, writing a paper, and getting distracted by Britta; who was trying to tell Annie about a new restaurant she was excited about that she thought Annie would like. Annie looked genuinely interested and Jeff wondered if the two were planning a date or if the restaurant had a bar and Britta wanted a DD. Either way Annie was blushing and blocking off Saturday night for Britta. Jeff felt a pang of jealousy. 

Shirley was studying, headphones on, steadfastly ignoring the rest of them except to shoot Jeff an eyeroll when she was fucking tied of all the noise. Peirce was thumbing through a Patrick O’Brian novel, his glasses were pulled down to the end of his nose and he was silently mouthing the words as he read. Troy and Abed were helping each other through an assignment, crowded together around a textbook with a peeling cover. Well, they were trying to help each other, they both kept breaking off into tangents that neither one of them tried to stop, so the assignment was mostly unfinished. 

Fourty-five minutes passed with Jeff pretending to read, trying to get himself to relax for the last end of study group. He couldn’t help that everything felt uncomfortable and he wanted to leave, he hated the idea of making an excuse and leaving more than he hated the way he felt. And suddenly, something shifted. Jeff blinked down at his book as the words blurred, the colors of the room suddenly too much, his vision dark around the edges, the voices of the others fading even more. 

And Jeff was stuck. 

He felt the moment it happened, everything inside him was loud, and he couldn’t move. He was stuck looking down at his book, even though his neck was starting to cramp. Jeff closed his eyes and tried to quietly breathe, clenching his fists until his nails dug into his palms. This was a new thing, so Jeff didn’t know what to do about it yet. His therapist had called it “serotonin fluctuations” or something like that. Usually this happed at home, he would sit frozen on his couch for hours with the noise of the TV for company until his brain managed to reset. He didn’t really mind, except for the fact that it was annoying and his whole body hurt afterword’s. But he wasn’t hungover the next morning and nothing got broken so Jeff figured this was an improvement on his old coping mechanisms. 

But this was happening in public, and Jeff was panicking. He absolutely did not want anyone knowing about this. He didn’t want to see their concerned faces, he didn’t want Britta’s psychoanalysis or Annie’s arm pats or anything else. Jeff wanted to ride this out and then go home and nap for the rest of the year, he didn’t want to deal with questions. 

Time crept by at an agonizing pace after that, with Jeff staring down at his book, desperately trying to look natural as the world moved by around him. But finally it was over and the group started to pack up and leave. He grunted something that hopefully sounded distracted when Annie asked him a question, it seemed to work, because he heard the last pair of shoes walk out and he heard the door close behind them. Jeff was finally alone. 

The tightness in his chest loosened and Jeff sighed, unclenching his hands and slowly pushing himself to sit back at a more comfortable position. His neck ached and the joints in his fingers complained after being clenched for so long but the pain was grounding and Jeff could feel himself coming back down.

“Why are you still here?” 

Abed’s voice came suddenly from Jeff’s right and he gave a grunt of surprise, feeling his stomach drop. Jeff tried to turn his head and failed; he was fucked. 

“Can you hear me? Can you move?” Abed’s voice again, calm and a little curious. 

This was exactly what Jeff didn’t want. Jeff gave a kind of grunt in response to show that he could hear Abed. There was some shuffling and Abed moved into his line of sight, squinting at Jeff a little. There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other, one curious, the other on the verge of passing out from anxiety. 

“So you can hear me.” Abed said, a statement, not a question. 

Grunt. 

“Can you move?”

Another grunt. 

More silence as Abed seemed size Jeff up. Jeff felt a bead of sweat drip down his neck, he didn’t even realize he was sweating. Abed seemed to come to a decision, nodding to himself. 

“do you want help getting home?” 

An enthusiastic grunt. 

Abed moved closer, extending a hand.

“I’m going to touch you now, okay?” 

Jeff’s heart beat picked up, he didn’t know how any of this was going to work, everything was too much, but he desperately wanted to not be at Greendale. He gave an affirmative grunt.   
Abed gently held Jeff’s hand, giving it a squeeze, Jeff managed to squeeze back. Abeds hand was warm and dry. Abed managed to push Jeff’s chair out from the table, grunting at the effort. He took both of Jeff’s hands in his and leaned down to make sure Jeff was looking at him. 

“I’m gonna pull you to your feet now, it’s going to be fine, just keep holding my hand”

~~~~

Jeff and Abed walked through Greendale to Jeff’s car, Abed’s hand a steady pressure in his as Jeff focused on putting one foot in front of the other and not making eye contact with anybody. More than one person gave them a second glance, but Jeff couldn’t bring himself to care, he could feel humiliated about this later.   
Abed drove him home. Jeff didn’t even know Abed could drive. They held hands all the way back Jeff’s apartment, Jeff holding on like it was the only thing keeping him from falling apart.


	2. So It Begins.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abed's POV. More hand holding.

Abed and Jeff were sitting on Jeff’s couch together, The Office was on the TV, at Jeff’s insistence. They were still holding hands. 

“So why don’t you like it?” Jeff asks, he’s taken his shoes off and has his knees curled up to his chest, there’s a blanket over his lap. He looks very small. Abed is glad Jeff can talk again. 

“It’s just aged poorly as a workplace comedy. The jokes are sexist, homophobic, and outdated. Plus, Jim is a dick.” Abed has also taken his shoes off and is sitting cross legged. His free hand is picking at the frayed edge of one of his socks. 

“Hm, fair.” 

“Why do you like it?” Abed asks, running his thumb absently over Jeffs knuckles. Jeff must use some kind of expensive hand lotion, the skin on the back of his hand is very soft. Jeff doesn’t seem to notice as he frowns at the TV. 

“I don’t know, you’re right, the jokes aren’t funny and I’ve seen all the seasons a hundred times. It’s just…”

“Familiar?” Abed finishes. Jeff leans his head on the back of the couch and looks over at Abed for the first time since they sat down an hour ago. 

“Yeah, familiar. Nothings going to change, everything gets resolved in the end.” There’s something sad in Jeff’s voice when he says this. “How pathetic is that.” Jeff adds with a depreciating scoff. Abed frowns and squeezes Jeff’s hand, this time Jeff notices. He looks down at their hands, he had clearly forgotten they were still linked together. Jeff pulls away, there’s a blush high on his cheeks that Abed admires for a moment, his hand still sitting limply between them. He misses holding Jeff’s hand already. 

“Uhg I’m sorry Abed, I’ve wasted your whole afternoon with this bullshit.” 

“What bullshit?” Abed pulls his hand into his lap and shifts to face Jeff more, they’re watching the ‘Café Disco’ episode and it’s pointless filler so Abed doesn’t have to pay attention. 

“For… all of this.” Jeff gestures vaguely between them, then to his own hand. “For me doing… whatever that was in the study room, for keeping you here so long.” He’s not looking at Abed by the time he finishes. 

“Jeff, you were having a panic attack, and all I did was hold your hand and watch TV. And I got to drive your car! This is what I would be doing at home anyway, except I would be watching something better.” That gets a laugh out of Jeff, even though it’s just the truth. But Jeff is looking at him again and he’s smiling, even though he looks tired, and that makes Abed happy. 

“Thanks Abed. You can go home now if you want, I’m probably just gonna be doing this for the rest of the night.” Jeff gestures loosely between himself and the TV. Abed almost gets up but stops. Something doesn’t feel good about leaving Jeff here like this, alone and exhausted. 

“orrrrrrr we could order food and watch something better?” Abed suggests with an almost-too-casual shoulder shrug. Jeff raises his eyebrows at the suggestion and Abed thinks for a moment that he might say no, that Abed might have overstepped and Jeff actually wants to be alone after a hard day.

“Did you have something specific in mind?” Jeff asks and Abed almost sighs in relief. 

“For food or TV?” 

“TV” 

Abed nods “have you ever seen Spirited Away?”

Jeff shakes his head. 

“Perfect.” Abed gives Jeff the finger guns.

Jeff smiles and levers himself off the couch with a grunt. “All right, if we’re doing this I’m gonna put pajamas on. You can order food.” Jeff tosses his phone at Abed and walks out of the room. 

Abed smiles “Cool. Cool, cool, cool.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can see Abed flirting without knowing he's flirting by showing people movies he likes.


	3. Anime and Cuddling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is Spirited Away and cuddling, and maybe a little more.

Abed orders Thai while Jeff changes. By the time the food is on its way Jeff comes back out to the living room in grey sweats with elastic at the ankle and a t-shirt. Jeff stops when he sees Abed.   
“Is this too weird? Should I go…?” Jeff gestures stiffly over his shoulder to his room, his other hand pulling at the hem of his shirt. It takes Abed a second to figure out the implied meaning of Jeffs words, Abeds eyebrows raise when it clicks. 

“Oh, no its fine, you wanted to be comfortable right?” 

“Yeah, I just feel a little out of place in pajamas.” Jeff pulls again at the hem of his shirt, eyes darting around the room. “Do you want…. To change too?” Jeff winces as the words come out halting and awkward. 

Abed looks down at his clothes, surprised by the question. Jeff did look pretty comfortable, and Abed was tired of the feeling of denim against his skin. “Do you have another pair of sweatpants?” He looks at Jeff, who just kind of blinks at him for a moment. 

“Uh, yeah actually, come on.” Jeff motions for Abed to follow as he turns to walk back down the hall to his room. Abed pads after him. Jeff was searching through the middle drawer of his dresser when Abed came in, and he took the chance to look around. Abed had never been in Jeff’s room before, it was nice, in a bachelor pad kind of way. Jeff had a stark, modern looking bedframe with matching nightstands and a dresser. The walls were tastefully decorated in meaningless mass-produced art. Overall the room gave the impression of being impersonal and masculine, with the exception of the bedding. The color of Jeffs blankets were white and navy, like the rest of the room’s color motif, but the duvet and pillows looked impossibly soft and fluffy. Abed was imagining wrapping himself in that duvet when a pair of sweatpants hit him in the face. 

“Sorry about that, I thought you were looking”

Abed blinked as the sweatpants fell into his hands after hitting his face. “I was distracted by your blankets.” The sweatpants were also grey with elastic at the ankles and they felt as soft as Jeffs duvet looked. Jeff looked at his bed and grinned shyly. 

“Yeah, I really love a fluffy blanket. I’ll let you try it out sometime.” Jeff seemed to realize what he had said and stopped in his tracks, the blush finding its way back to his face. Abed still thought it was cute. “I mean… c-come on, you can change in the bathroom.” Abed said nothing.

Abed takes a minute in the bathroom to collect himself, he was hanging out with Jeff after a hard day, he was going to wear Jeff’s clothes, and Jeff was being… cute. Abed had never thought he would find a man cute, but here he was. “Let’s just see how this goes.” Abed mutters to himself, trying not to get too worked up. He changed into the sweatpants and he was right, the sweatpants were as soft as he thought they would be. “These sweats are really comfortable” Abed says as he walks back into the living room. Jeff looks up from where he’s standing in the kitchen opening takeout boxes.

“What can I say, I love soft clothes and blankets” Jeff shrugs. “The food came while you were in the bathroom.” Abed raises his eyebrows.

“Quick turnaround, is it any good?” 

Jeff peers into one of the boxes and sniffs “seems pretty good to me.” Abed nods. 

“Cool, cool, cool.” 

They dish out the food and settle down on the couch, both agreeing that the lights needed to be off for the movie experience to be at its best. Jeff had never watched anime, so he was a little skeptical when the title screen for Spirited Away came up. 

“Don’t worry, you’re going to love it. Just keep an open mind.” Abed says, shuffling deeper into the couch cushions, holding his bowl of food to his chest. Jeff smiles and does the same. 

“Alright, I’ll try.” 

“Good, now no talking.” Abed says seriously before pressing play. He doesn’t notice the smile Jeff hides behind his food at the direction. 

The movie, as to be expected, is excellent. But how could you not love a coming of age story wrapped in Japanese culture, mixed with a critique of capitalism and a heartwarming ending? Abed thinks any person who hates this movie is a sociopath. 

They both finish their food, the bowls taken back to the kitchen by Abed, who doesn’t want Jeff to miss anything. Jeff has sprawled out, legs propped up on the coffee table, Abed is sitting with his chin propped on his knees, somewhere along the line they end up sharing one of the couch blankets. They shuffle closer together, sitting hip to hip, and as the plot thickens and as they fear for Chihiro’s life, Jeff’s hand slips into Abeds, squeezing firmly. They’re still holding hands as the movie comes to a close, and when Chihiro drives off with her parents, Abed hears a sniffle beside him. 

“It’s okay, I cried the first time I watched this movie too” Abed says, letting go of Jeffs hand to put an arm around him, realizing for the first time how close they’re sitting, curled up under the blanket together. Jeff wipes his eyes with the palm of his hand and leans his head on Abed’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, it was beautiful. I can’t believe I never watched anime before.” 

“Not all anime is as good as this, these movies are masterpieces, but you’ve definitely been missing something.” Jeff nods into Abed’s shoulder. Abed can’t help but be a little surprised by how cuddly Jeff is being, but he says nothing, it’s too nice to risk ruining the moment. “Do you want to watch The Office to calm down?” He asks, picking up the remote. 

“How did you know?” 

Abed smiles “I guessed.” This draws a huff out of Jeff. 

There’s a moment of silence between them as Abed scrolls to find the rabies episode, one of his personal favorites. His arm is still around Jeff’s shoulders, Jeffs head is still resting on Abeds shoulder in return. 

“Hey Abed?” 

“Yeah?”

“Is this weird?” Jeff extracts a hand from the blanket to gesture between the two of them. “This thing we’re doing right now, is it weird?” 

Abed frowns in thought. “It’s not exactly what two straight, platonic, male-identifying friends do, but it’s definitely not weird.” He squeezes Jeff’s shoulder. “It’s nice.” 

Jeff nods. “It is nice, but you’re right, its not exactly straight.” There’s more silence before Jeff adds, quietly. “But I’m not exactly straight anyway.”

Abed raises his eyebrows “yeah?” He shifts to look down at Jeff, who is still looking at the TV instead of Abed. 

“Yeah.” Jeff does not elaborate, so Abed decides its best to leave it alone. But his heart is thundering in his ears and his palms are sweating. Before today, Abed had never given it much thought, but this... was doing things to him. Abed couldn't ignore that, or let his chance to be the romantic lead slip by him. It wasn't often that Abed felt like he was the main character of this show. 

“I’m starting to think I might not be exactly straight either.” Abed says, still looking at the top of Jeffs head, feeling like his head was underwater. Jeff cautiously pulls back to look at Abed, something vulnerable in his eyes. 

“Yeah?”

Abed nods, chewing on his bottom lip, his heartbeat picking up. “Yeah.” 

Jeff stairs at him for a moment. “You said there were more of these movies?” Jeff is rubbing the back of his neck and looking at him shyly, and Abed can’t handle the blush on his face. 

Abed grins. “Yeah, a lot more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! These boys give me heart palpitations! Let me know what you think.


	4. A date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abed tells his roommates what's up and realizes it might have been a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abed's having that problem all us queer folks have. Were you just hanging out and cuddling or were you on a date?

It was later than either of them realized by the time they finished the movie. Jeff insisted on driving Abed home instead of letting him walk.

“I can’t have you out there walking home by yourself at this hour.” He had said. Even though Abed had walked home by himself many times. But Abed was flattered by Jeff’s concern.

They drove in comfortable silence. When they pulled up to the apartment, Jeff caught Abed’s hand before he could get out of the car. “Thank you, for helping me, and hanging out with me tonight.” That vulnerable look was back on Jeff’s face and he gave Abed’s hand a gentle squeeze. Abed squeezed back.

“Don’t worry about it, it was a lot of fun.” Jeff smiled.

“I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah.”

They squeezed hands one more time before Abed got out of the car. Jeff waited for abed to walk into the building before driving away. It was only after Jeff had rounded the corner that Abed realized he was still wearing Jeff’s sweatpants. Abed smiled and rubbed the fabric of the pants between his fingers as climbed the stairs. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“So where were you last night?” Annie asks teasingly the next morning. She and Abed are standing in the kitchen, Annie making coffee, Abed making tea. “Did you have a hot date? Is that where these are from?” She reaches over and playfully pulls the drawstring on Abed’s (Jeff’s) sweatpants.

“Abed had a hot date?” Troy asks, stumbling into the kitchen half awake. The coffee maker beeps and Annie pours a cup for her and Troy without asking. Abed walks around the counter to sit on one of the bar stools while Annie and Troy fix their coffee.

“I don’t really think it was a date, I was watching a movie with Jeff.”

“Wait, you were with Jeff?” Annie asks, leaning against the counter.

“And you guys didn’t invite me?!” Troy exclaims with a wild gesture, almost sloshing coffee over his hand. “Abedddd I was here all night! I didn’t have a date or anything!”

“So are those Jeff’s sweatpants?” Annie interrupts Troy’s outrage. Abed nods.

“Yeah, he was having a hard time, so we watched Spirited Away.” He pauses for a moment before adding; “we held hands, it was nice.” Annie and Troy freeze suddenly and turn to look at Abed.

“You… held hands” Annie says slowly. “And you’re… wearing his sweatpants?” Her eyebrows climb higher into her hairline as she talks. Abed realizes a little too late that he might have opened a line of questioning he didn’t want.

“You were totally on a date with Jeff.” Troy says with easy nonchalance as he comes to sit next to Abed. He reaches over to feel the sweatpants. “That man has amazing taste in fabric, these are so soft.” He lays a hand on Abed’s shoulder. “I forgive you for not inviting me on your date, I don’t want to third wheel you man.”

“It wasn’t a date, at least I don’t think it was.” Abed says, Annie makes a disbelieving noise at that. “It was just… nice.” Abed can feel his face heating up under the scrutiny of both of his roommates. “I haven’t had a lot of time to think about it.”

Annie leans closer to Abed, taking a sip of her coffee, there’s that light in her eye that means she’s going to tease him. “Abed, do you have a crush on Jeff?”

Troy mock gasps before breaking into giggles, drinking his own coffee. Abed is starting to get frustrated. “It wasn’t a date, no one asked the other out, I was helping him with a panic attack and then stayed to watch a movie. Maybe we held hands, maybe… we talked about doing it again….” He stops and looks between both of his roommates. “Oh my god it was a date.” Annie and Troy break out into laughter at his realization.

“Oh my godddddd you went on a date with Jeff Winger! Ladies man extraordinaire!” Annie exclaims through giggles. She stops suddenly, standing up straight. “Wait, does this mean Jeff’s not straight?”

“Does this mean you’re not straight?!” Troy asks.

Abed puts his head in his hands, groaning. “This is way too many questions for first thing in the morning.” He gets up from the counter, taking his half empty tea mug with him. “I’m going to shower.” He turns on his heel and heads into the bathroom, making sure his phone is in his pocket.

“We love you Abed!” Annie calls after him. Her and Troy are wearing matching grins.

Abed sighs as he closes and locks the bathroom door. Sometimes he wishes he had his own room just for the sake of privacy. But he would never give up his bunkbed with Troy. Abed sits down on the closed toilet lid, setting his tea on the bathroom counter. He pulls out his phone and opens Jeff’s contact.

**Abed: was last night a date?**

Abed is filled with instant regret as soon as the text is sent. Maybe he’s going to freak Jeff out with that question, maybe he’ll get angry that Abed told Troy and Annie, maybe-. His phone vibrates.

**Jeff: Why?**

Abed feels like his heart is going to drop into his stomach as he types the reply, he might as well be honest. He hates lying anyway.

**Abed: Annie and Troy keep teasing me and telling me it was a date and I don’t know anymore.**

**Jeff: Lol that sounds like Annie and Troy. Wanna come to brunch with me and talk about it?**

Abed blinks at his phone. That was… not the response he was expecting.

**Abed: Okay, I’m about to shower.**

**Jeff: Cool. I’ll pick you up in 30.**

“Cool, cool, cool.” Abed stands up and gets ready to shower.


	5. What Do You Want?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abed gets teased and he and Jeff finally have an important conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! This was so much fun to write. I love these two and I think they would have really honest conversations with each other.

Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the door as Abed was finishing getting dressed. Annie answered the door before he could say anything. 

“Jeff!” She exclaims with mock surprise. “Fancy seeing you here!” 

“Hi Jeff!” Troy yells from his armchair in front of the TV. 

“Hi.” Abed says much more sedately as he walks into the room. Annie looks between the both of them, grinning widely. 

“So uh, what brings ya here Jeff?” Annie asks, placing her hands behind her back and rocking onto her heels. Jeff smiles at her, he seems back to his normal, put together self today. And to Abed’s surprise, he seems unfazed by Annie and her glee. 

“I’m here to pick up Abed actually” Jeff says with a smile, looking over at Abed, who can feel heat creeping up his neck. “You ready to go?” 

Abed nods, desperate to get out from under the teasing. “Yup.” He grabs Jeff’s arm and walks them quickly towards the door. Jeff extracts his arm and throws it over Abed’s shoulders instead as they leave the apartment. 

“Later guys.” Jeff says, unbothered by Abed’s rush. 

“Be safe boys! Use protection! Call me if you need a ride!” Annie yells out the door, much louder than Abed would have preferred. Jeff gives Annie a thumbs up, laughing quietly. Abed wants to drop through the floor and disappear. 

Things are quiet until they get out of the building and Jeff gently grabs Abed by the upper arm to stop him mid-speed walk. “Hey, hey, you alright?” Jeff turns Abed to face him, Jeff’s hands on his shoulders are warm and his thumbs rub back and forth. “You look like you’re about to vomit.”

Abed sighs. “Yeah, that was… a lot of attention. And I just..” words fails him and he lets out a frustrated huff. 

“Don’t worry about Annie and Troy, they’re just teasing. The fun of it should wear off soon” Jeff bends his neck to look Abed more squarely in the eye. “Let’s go get something to eat.” Abed lets out another breath through his mouth, feeling his heart rate drop slightly. He nods. 

They talk about nothing consequential as they drive to the brunch place Jeff picked. They don’t touch much more, but Jeff’s hand rests on the console between them like an offering.

Jeff takes them to an airy, modern looking diner with clean booths and big windows. Jeff seems to prefer places with big windows. They’re seated and Abed is taking a first look over the menu when Jeff clears his throat to get Abed’s attention. 

“So how’re you doing?” Jeff asks casually, leaning back in his seat across from Abed, nudging him under the table with a sneaker.

“How am I doing in general? Or how am I doing with all of… this?” Abed gestures between the two of them. Jeff smiles fondly at him, still more relaxed than Abed expected him to be. 

“How are you doing with this?” Jeff copies Abed’s gesture. Abed sighs and puts down his menu, folding his hands in his lap. 

“I’m… not sure. I really enjoyed last night. It brought up feelings I didn’t think I could have for another man. But… I didn’t think it was a date until Annie and Troy brought it up this morning and now… I’m confused.” 

“What are you confused about?” 

Abed shrugs, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment. He’s not looking directly at Jeff, he’s looking at Jeff’s right shoulder. Eye contact is just too much right now. “I don’t know, I’m confused about a lot of things. What I identify as, what this is, or might be.” Abed gestures between them again. “What last night was, what I’m feeling.” Abed stops talking as the waitress comes to take their order and refill Jeff’s coffee. Abed takes the chance to order tea. He picks back up again when the waitress leaves. “And finally, I’m confused as to why you’re so calm about this.” He points at Jeff accusingly as he adds this last part in. 

Jeff grins when Abed points at him. “I can only answer some of those questions.” He shifts forward to take a drink of coffee and lean his elbows on the table between them. “I’m not exactly calm, I’m nervous too. But I’ve also been through this a few times before and I’m a little more certain about my identity. So that might be why I don’t look like I want to crawl out of my skin right now.” Abed nods, the waitress brings Abed’s tea. Jeff continues; “trust me, when I was in my twenties and doing this kind of thing for the first time I handled it much worse than you are right now.” 

Abed takes a moment to digest this while he stirs sugar into his tea. “I always forget that you’re older than me. What do you identify as anyway?” 

Jeff lets out a breath and tears open a sugar packet as well. “Tough question, I think the closest answer I can come up with is that I’m bi.” 

Things were better, calmer, now that they were both sitting with drinks in their hands, Abed can feel his brain slowing down a little. “And you’ve done this kind of thing before? With other men?” 

“Sort of, I’ve had relationships, I’ve had fuckbuddies, but this thing with you is a little different I think.” Jeff says this with that same soft smile aimed at Abed that makes the back of his neck hot. 

Abed’s brain short circuits at the word ‘fuckbuddies’ but he holds it together. “Why is this different?” 

Jeff shakes his head, frowning. “I’m not sure, maybe because you’re younger, maybe because we’ve already been friends for years. But mostly I think it’s because when I’m with you I feel… honest. And more like I can be myself.” Jeff is looking down at his coffee cup, tracing the rim of it with his pointer finger. Abed takes the opportunity to actually look at Jeff, the line of his jaw, his turned-up nose, the curve of his mouth, he was truly handsome, and it made Abed’s breath catch. 

“I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before… that they can be honest around me.” Abed says, feeling dazed. “People usually feel the opposite.” 

Jeff shrugs, still looking down at his cup. “Those people are idiots.” Jeff looks up at Abed and they make eye contact for the first time since they sat down, Abed feels something flip in his stomach. “I guess what I’m saying is… that this can be whatever you want it to be Abed. Do you want to hold hands?” Jeff slowly slides his hand across the table to Abed, who takes it cautiously. Jeff is still looking at him “or do you want to do more, make this something else?” Jeff strokes the inside of Abed’s wrist as he says this and Abed thinks he’s about to burst into flames right there in the diner.

Abed swallows, he had never been more aware of someone touching him than right now. “I’ve never… done this kind of thing with anyone, I’ve barely had a relationship before.” Abed felt like it was his turn to be honest. “I mean, I’ve had one night stands, It’s an essential college experience. But up until now I thought I was straight. But after last night, and especially right now, I’m certain I’m not.” Jeff grins at that, his fingers still on Abed’s wrist. “And I’m certain that I don’t want this to go away. Whatever it is.”

Jeff nods, still smiling. He squeezes Abed’s hand. “I don’t want this to go away either.”


End file.
